Joseph Kaguthi, the head
of Nyumba Kumi Initiative in Central Kenya recently caused a furore when he
asked women to accommodate their husbands’ lovers as co-wives
Kaguthi, a one-time
no-nonsense provincial administrator, told The Nairobian that one of the
reasons he advocates for polygamy is because “it is selfish and inconsiderate
of women not to share their husbands”
“We are in a crisis in
this region. Our population is dwindling at an alarming rate and soon, it will
be irreversible, unless we allow men and women to openly acknowledge polygamous
unions.”
He said that polygamy is
the only way to ensure that children in the region grow up in families with
both parents.
“The single parent
phenomenon is so widespread and more men and women are growing up without
knowing how men and women are supposed to relate to each other.”
Men in Central Kenya
were once polygamous for the purposes of wealth generation through dowry and
‘putting together a labour force’ to work on the farms.
“We must embrace who we
are as a people. We are not like the coastal communities who enter into
polygamous unions for the sake of having a protector, provider and
‘penetrator’,” Kaguthi advised.
Kaguthi pointed out that
men preferred to marry women who were industrious and responsible, which is
still the case today.
“If you can afford it,
you should be allowed to marry more than one woman. We must not hide behind
Western cultural values,” he added.
Kaguthi is not a lone
crusader for this ‘cause.’ The chair of the Council of Elders (Kiama Kia Maa)
Rware Chapter, Gakuo Matu, supports polygamy, arguing that, “Unlike women in
the 19th century, the women of Central Kenya today are industrious, independent
and willing to take care of their children. If anything, they are an asset to a
man, not a liability.”
Matu reckons that “most
men in Central Kenya have two or three women in their lives and the only
difference is that only one is recoginsed while the rest lurk in the shadows
which is unfortunate for them and their children.”
Matu further explained
that polygamy would be a wise investment as it is cheaper to have a wife than
to maintain a mistress, which is what most men in Central Kenya are doing.
“You can spend Sh5,000
on a wife and she will be happy, but in the case of a mistress, every time you
see her, you will have to part with about Sh30,000 on weekend excursions out of
town, where you spend on nyama choma and alcohol over and over again,” explains
Matu, adding that in a polygamous union, the women in man’s life are forced to
co-share what he can afford.
He sounded a warning to
women who refuse to let their husbands marry second wives, noting that such men
either become hostile or abandon their families.
“Men like new things.
After a few decades with the same woman, they start looking for another woman.
If a woman stands in the way of that, it makes the man feel trapped and angry,”
Matu noted.
According to Matu, men
should not be caged because when they cannot get what they want, the will lash
out at the closest people to them, who in most cases are the wives.
Nyeri resident and
lawyer Waruguru Kiai believes that the polygamy debate is being fuelled by the conflict
between Christian beliefs and cultural values.
"Before the advent
of Christianity, our Kikuyu culture supported polygamy. However, the man had to
adequately provide for all the wives and children, ensure their security and
all wives and children were treated equally. None was victimised or mistreated
by the other and respect was paramount.”
Drawing parallels with
today’s world, Waruguru says that people are torn between Christianity and
African traditions because the moment a man solemnises his marriage in church,
he relinquishes the right to marry another woman. What this has resulted in is
men opting for several ‘side dishes,’ who for all intents and purposes are
their wives, with some bearing them children.
“But these women, unlike
in the days of our grandparents, are not wives. They may carry on as wives, but
they are not. They do not enjoy the security that culture accorded such women.
This is why, as we have witnessed, when prominent men die, there are always
women who are sidelined and end up in court,” explains Waruguru.
“However, men should
understand that the concept of polygamy was to maintain the dignity and respect
of women. There is no need to keep one woman at home and others on the side as
‘matrimonial refugees.’ Men should stop sitting on the fence and man up!” she
said
